For those of us without jobs, Sundays at 10 Alma Road are generally very inproductive days. After rising at noon, I only left the lounge twice — once to answer the phone, once to retrieve the Domino’s menu. As a result, Sundays generally provide an awful lot of time for philosophising and imagineering — processes both enhanced by the BBC coverage of the Winter Olympics (or “The Real Olympics” as I prefer to call them). During the 7-hour stint of lounging between phone call and pizza, the thought processes went something like this:
- Would ski jumpers perhaps benefit from some kind of flying squirrel-style membrane between their arms and legs, allowing them to essentially fly around freely? If this were allowed, would an extra degree of judgement be required to grade the flying, as distance would be unmeasurable due to landing in the surrounding residential areas.
- Would it be feasible to perform the ski jump (normal hill) using a four-man bobsleigh, without certain death? If this were implemented, would the bobsleigh need to be fitted with standard ski jumping skis, or would its existing runners be sufficient? The problems of four men keeping up with a bobsleigh whilst pushing it down a steep, icy hill were not thoroughly addressed, but it was suggested that the brake man stand up during the whole event, shifting his weight sharply at take-off, sending the bob into any number of flips, spins and rolls. Again, additional judgement procedures would be required to take into account the added complexity of these manoeuvres.
- If the ski jump could be performed in this way, would it be possible to stage an entire Olympiad with each event performed in a 4-man bobsleigh? In addition to the aforementioned ski jumping, particular highlights would include figure skating (placing the artistic focus much more strongly on trance-styled hand movements, with technical merit being given for proficient navigation at consistently high speeds around the ice), cross-country (100-team mass start, classic style, 50Km) and curling (where the atheletes have to “park” the bob as close to the centre of the target as possible, smashing opponents out of the way).
- In an attempt to provide variation, 2-man bobsleighs, skeletons and luge are now permitted, allowing individual events as well as the opportunity for entrants to “choose their weapon”. This would help establish supporting rivalries for the various classes (which would compete against each other in all events), increasing audience enjoyment (with the 4-man bob vs. skeleton ice hockey showing great potential).
Note how in the last point, the extra classes “are now permitted”, not “would be permitted, should this highly impractical, almost certainly lethal event ever take place”. This is because, like with most of the imagination-children of me and my housemates, this landmark in the sporting calendar is as real as any other. As I write this, atheletes the world over training day and night to become the fastest short-track speed luger (lugist?), to leave the competition in their wake in the downhill skeleton-X, and to nail the perfect frontside 1080 mute in the bobsleigh half-pipe.
It is quite likely that most people reading this are thinking that either a) I’ve spent most, if not all of the day drinking or b) I’ve completely wasted a day. However, neither of these are in fact true. The only drinking today came in the form of 2 cups of instant coffee and a weak cup of tea, falling way short of my usual 8. In addition, the imagination marathon (imaginathon?) that was my Sunday gave rise to two reasonably interesting projects for use in the upcoming semester’s modules.
For “Interactive Entertainment Systems”, a glorious hybrid of Smash TV, F-Zero X and Syndicate Wars was devised, featuring a random level generator, licenced voice acting and the revolutionary “K-armour” ballistic defence system. For “Advanced Multimedia”, I came up with an interesting twist on the Drift Table (as well as the first item on that page), incorporating personalised imagery, spatio-temporal indicators and the ability to both contribute to and destroy a communal creation. The feasibility of these ideas was given no real thought at all, but as suggested by lecturer and textbook alike, at this stage I should really be thinking outside the box.
Who knows — had it not been for the skeleton moguls or the 2-man drive-by bobsleigh biathalon, I’d have probably spent all day lying inside the box, waiting for someone to fix the heating.
